From the Archives: Clothes Make The Woman
A reflection on what we reveal/conceal and how to embrace authenticity (with an update)
Update: I wrote this post in 2022.
It feels a little frivalous now, but there is in fact a deeper meaning than fashion for the sake of fashion, and I actually understand this meaning better within my current context.
Because now, two years after I wrote this (7 months ago now) I have become Muslim, not only in faith, but outwardly and “visibly” by wearing the hijab.
This obviously shifted many things with regard to clothing and my relationship to it.
My erstwhile love of fashion dropped to the level of a forgotten memory in terms of its urgency and importance.
This evolution would not, however, have been possible without the analysis below.
The. realization that for me, my appearance had become alternatively about pleasing others, utility, fidelity to my “station” in life, and (lastly, in terms of priority) my own directive, made it clear in 2022 that I would never again—under any circumstances—let the outside world dictate what I wore.
As such it is not such a surprise that I chose “that hijabi life” as I find it actually to be the most liberating break from both the male gaze, and the dominant gaze in general.
I don’t have to conform to trends. I don’t have to perform any aesthetic function, as if I was born to be a trinket to behold, rather than a fully alive, sentient being with thoughts that are more important than my skirt length, and character more interesting than the cut of my outfit’s silhouette.
I might occasionally miss the application of unrestrained creativity, in the field of my personal appearance, but in fairness to a more important and urgent sense of authenticity, my current style of dress is a way of wearing, quite literally, my deepest personal convictions on my sleeve, and of being a walking slogan of personal truth.
The deepest truth, which is surrender to the Creator. The original creative force, and benefactor of my own creativity.
And again, to be fair, I haven’t lost the creative spark.
I express this spark within the confines of hijab and as I learned in college, in a poetry class for my English major, the most genius bloom of creativity blossoms with the cultivation of rules-based order.
In other words, having rules for a specific form of poetry makes the ideas flow freely. Once you know the meter, the syllables, etc, your mind becomes focused and creativity unlocks.
Perhaps I’ll have more to say about this style evolution at a later date, but for now, I’ll let my 2022 self analyze her former selves, all of whom I regard with fondness.
2022:
Lately I’ve been thinking about clothing as self-expression, and maybe even self care.
In 2002-2006, I was in my early 20’s, a highly experimental time for me, fashion-wise. Most of my wardrobe was thrifted, much of it vintage, and most of my accessories came from antique stores. I tended to prefer clothing that was made in the 1960’s-80’s, accented by scarves, costume jewelry, and hats from the 1930’s-40’s.
I loved attending parties and potlucks—any excuse to create a “look.” I remember a fluttery sleeveless yellow dress with a pleated skirt that I paired with a heavy gold link chain holding an egg-sized and shaped locket, and brown T-strap Mary Jane wedges.
I remember a vintage 70’s majorette uniform paired with sequined heels.
I remember a striped stand collared jacket with epaulet shoulders that reminded me of Sgt. Pepper.
I remember a strapless black cocktail dress I paired with a shoulder-padded blazer covered in rhinestones.